Sunday night musing

If you could create the life you want what would it be like?  Do you believe you hold the power to create the life you want?  What's holding you back?  What resources do you already have? What resources do you need?  Who is in the position to help you create the life you want?  Who or what are the obstacles?

Children and Mindfulness—A gift for Life

Teaching and practicing mindfulness with your child can be an extraordinary experience for bonding and providing your child with a gift that will have long lasting effects. 

Mindfulness is the practice of the intentional attention to internal and external experiences without judgment .  For example, as an anxious person attends to their heart palpitations, focusing on the intensity, duration and quality, without judging (I’m having a heart attack), the physical symptoms will lessen.  The focus will be on senses rather tharn thinking and analyzing  .  Being mindful helps one to stay in control, make better choices, self-regulate.

 

You can teach your child to be mindful in any number of ways.  I suggest taking into consideration the age and stage of development and being creative.  Here are a couple of suggestions that you can modify based on your child.

 

Walking is an easy and fun way to be mindful.  Mindful walking involves focusing on your steps.  I start by counting every fourth step and I do this for a few minutes of my walking. In my mind I’m counting from one to four over and over.  Next, I notice what the surface under foot feels like--the hardness; the softness; the smoothness.    If you take your child on a mindful walk, encourage her to walk in a slow pace and to notice the sky, the smells, the wind, the color of the grass. 

 

Take ten minutes and relax with your child on the sofa.  Tell her that together you’re going on a vacation to nowhere; that together you will go someplace that is peaceful and only the two of you know about.

If your child is into it, get her to go first describing where this place is.  Encourage her to describe the sounds, the smells and other sensations that are particular to this place.  She might describe an island with clear purple skies, red water and orange turtles.  The more descript the more the positive affect.  Chime in with the descriptions if your child is struggling.     At the end of the trip, try to get your child to describe what she’s feeling in her body.  Try to get her to notice any sensations without any judgment.  For example, what do her arms, legs feel like? What does her breathing feel like?

 

Mindfulness is best taught through practice.  It is a wonderful way to connect with your child and to have your child to become more self-aware.  The benefits are immeasurable. 

 

The Past. The hurt. The present.

Why do we harbor negative and self limiting thoughts? It's the simple internalization of negative feedback from various sources.  Parents, other adults, media, peers and so forth.  The truth of the matter, the genesis isn't as important as the present.  I recommend that instead of focusing on how, focus on fixing it.  That is what you really have control over.

"The more anger towards your past you carry, the less capable you are of  love in the present" ...Barbara DeAngelis.

  Anger keeps us tied to the past. Anger keeps us blaming and in a state where we can't love ourselves, not to mention others.  How does one simply 'let go' of anger?  I think it is a process of acceptance--mostly, accepting ourselves.  It's deciding that no matter the circumstances, we are still worthy and worth loving.   We tend to define ourselves by circumstances, events, other people's perceptions.  We become blind to other actualities. 
Take an inventory of yourself.  Write down all of your positive qualities.  If you're struggling to see them, ask a trusted to friend to help you.
Once you come up with your list, ask yourself what have you done to nurture those qualities.  You see, we spend an inordinate amount of time nurturing things that don't make us feel good about ourselves.  For example, overeating, not exercising, negative self talk, poor sleep quality and the list goes on. 
If you're not actualizing the positive qualities, chances are you over engaging in negative, self limiting behaviors. 

Overcoming self limiting thoughts

The power of thoughts has been well documented.  It is the basis of cognitive-behavior therapy.  The premise is that what you think, affects how you feel, which in turns affects how you behave. In my last post, I discussed how my negative thinking significantly impacted me.  I promised to show you how I overcame this self limiting habit.
The first step was to get a baseline for how often and the content of my negative thoughts.  I did this by journaling.  Every day, I spent fifteen minutes writing about my day, my dreams, frustrations and feelings.  What I discovered was that my most common refrain was--I CAN'T.  It flowed with  ease and no awareness,  from my mouth on the average, a whooping 8 times a day.  I can't run.  I can't garden. I can't paint.  The litany goes on and on.    STOP! I remember as a child my mother scolding me and telling me to stop saying those words.  What she didn't do was give me a replacement.  We often want children to change but we don't offer them an alternative way of behaving or thinking.  

Once I increased my awareness of this self limiting thinking, I was able to make changes.  It simply started with me replacing--"I can't" with, "I will try".  What I learned is that the things I once thought I couldn't do, I could, in fact, do.  For example, I have never attempted to run any distance-- ever.  I very quickly learned that not only could I run, I could run for a mile.  Soon I was able to run for two miles.   Now I didn't wake up and suddenly started sprinting.  I ran a block.  I slowed increased my distance and worked up to being able to sustain myself for greater distances.  I didn't change anything but my mind.  

I haven't completely broken the habit of the, "I can'ts".  It is a daily struggle but one in which I actively engage.  

I proactively participate in the process of changing my negative, self limiting thoughts.  As soon as I recognize a negative thought, I replace it with one that is more positive and self affirming.  It makes me feel better and more powerful.  That's much of what we want, right?

It's simple, isn't it?  Yes, it is but sometimes even the changes we know to be simple can be very challenging to change.  

Start by simply journaling.  Get an idea of the content and frequency of your negative, self limiting thinking.   

Start to challenge the negative thinking in the children whom you have contact with.  Don't forget to give them an alternative replacement for their negative thoughts.

Where do our negative thoughts come from?  Why do we have them?  I'll share that in my next post.